YOU’VE GOT A TICKET TO RIDE AND YOU SHOULD CARE

by

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This was a rejected print due to legal risks and not meeting a deadline for an interview with a Lawyer and Cop. This should not be taken seriously and is just a parody of blah, blah, blah, the grade received for the creative writing class was a C-minus. Don’t sue, I heard she’s a really ugly bitch.

No wait, you won’t get a ticket if you play it cool. If you’re one of the lucky sonsofbitches who bought a Toyota with a defective gas pedal, you’ve got free rein to tear the shit outta the highways. Take that puppy out on the open road and rev that fucker. Why not?

There will never be another time you can get away with shit like this, so this is your chance. Everybody’s heard the news; if your fellow motorists see a Prius in their rear-view mirror coming at them at a 100+ mph with you behind the wheel sporting your panicked face, they will fucking move. And what can the police do? You’ve got a malfunctioning gas pedal for Christ’s sakes!

Now you can’t just go barreling down the interstate at the same pace. You’ve got to go about it like this:

1. Get your gas pedal stuck. (Alternatively, act like your gas pedal is stuck by holding your foot down on it.)

2. According to the media, if this problem occurs, you are supposed to calmly shift into neutral, apply the brake, and pull off at a safe place on your right. Easy enough, right? No, not for you — you’re not used to an uncontrollable situation like this. YOU’RE FREAKING OUT. (Let the police know this when they pull you over.)

3. When the cops are on your tail, you CANNOT slowdown. Speed up. Act erratic. Make weird facial expressions. Jump around inside your vehicle. And then after a minute or so, make it apparent that you’ve spotted the cops in your rear-view mirror. Now, slowly shift into neutral, rev the engine a little, and apply the brakes. Make sure to use blinkers as you pull over to a safe spot. You don’t want the police thinking you’re a reckless driver.

(JESUS CHRIST EDIT THE SHIT OUTTA THAT LAST PART FROM #3)

4. AVoiding the ticket: Ok when the cops are on your tail you CAN NOT slow down this will fuck with the the whole theory I’m utilizing here.
Speed the fuck up. Act eradicate. My weird faceual   expressions. jump around inside your vehicle.  And then after a 30-61 seconds or so
make aware that you’ve spotted the predator in your rearview. Now you slowly shift into neurtral rev the engine up a little and apply the brakes.
Use blinkers and pull over to a safe spot to chat.

5. THE INTIAL CHAT: When the office comes up to your window, you need to be taking panic breaths, eyes wideded and show em
that you’ve got the poo into your pants. Atomatically be thanking the fuzzy headed fuck for the blue lights that reminded you of what the
media instructed. You were so panicked you didn’t know what to do unitl you saw the lights and that he’s a hero.

Bitch a little while about the fucking  no-good Japs that forsaking you and him with this problem and with the lives of the others on
the road.

Denie the toe-truck. That it slipped your mind and you freaked out and you’re contempt to drive immeditaltly to the dealer while
bitching about the Koreans ir was it Chinese. Whatever the case.
Case Closed!
You’ve had your fun and didn’t have rip it up on a Nascar track.

Everbody Wins!

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